The Lost Art of True Gentility
The little poem below, by Margaret Sangster, beautifully illustrates that true gentility stems from character and behavior, not wealth or social standing. Everyday acts of kindness are the defining traits of a gentleman: removing the hat as a sign of respect, waiting patiently, offering assistance, and prioritizing the needs of those around us. These verses remind us that such qualities remain constant throughout life, from childhood to adulthood, and that the core of real nobility lies in our character and our treatment those around us. These are the true hallmarks of refinement; they are timeless and universal, transcending social boundaries. The terms “gentleman” and “lady” (or “ladylike”) have, in our time, become commercial terms used for consumer identity; that is, becoming a gentleman or a lady is a matter of what we buy and what we own, rather than the content of our character. This is a perversion of the true sense of the word.
Allow Ms. Sangster to remind us of what refinement really means:
A Gentleman
I knew him for a gentleman
By signs that never fail;
His coat was rather rough and worn,
His cheeks were thin and pale–
A lad who had his way to make,
With him little time for play–
I knew him for a gentleman
By certain signs to-day.
He met my mother on the street:
Off came his little cap.
My door was shut; he waited there
Until I heard his rap.
He took the bundle from my hand.
And when I dropped my pen,
He sprang to pick it up for me,
This gentleman of ten.
He does not push and crowd along;
His voice is gently pitched;
He does not fling his books about
As if he were bewitched.
He stands aside to let you pass;
He always shuts the door;
He runs on errands willingly
To forge and mill and store.
He thinks of you before himself;
He serves you if he can;
For in whatever company,
The manners make the man.
At ten and forty 'tis the same;
The manner tells the tale;
And I discern the gentleman
By signs that never fail.
We found this poem in The Courtesy Book, published in 1927. The book itself was written by Nancy Dunlea, who featured the poem at the very beginning.
For our part, a true lady carries herself with poise, navigating social and professional settings with confidence due to her well-developed character. Her good manners and polished etiquette reflect both her self-awareness and genuine kindness.