The American Experiment: A Cautionary Tale of Etiquette

In her 1922 guide, The Value of Good Manners, Margaret Emerson Bailey posits that the democratic ideal of equality in the United States has inadvertently contributed to a decline in refined etiquette. While European societies often associated manners with class distinctions, the American emphasis on equality, she says, has led to a rejection of formal etiquette. Bailey argues that this rejection stems from a misunderstanding of true courtesy. Europeans, wary of perceived social hierarchies, might have been hesitant to show certain signals of deference or civility, fearing that doing so could imply an inappropriate degree of superiority or inferiority. But genuine good manners are not about class or status; they are about respect and consideration for others.

Americans, it must be said, have their own standards of etiquette; for instance, American culture places a high value on punctuality and efficient time management. Being late is often seen as disrespectful and inconsiderate, but this expectation can be more relaxed for large parties or social gatherings, where a bit of flexibility is generally accepted. Are Americans justly stereotyped for a lack of manners? Here is the explanation provided by Emerson Bailey:

Another hindrance to fine manners has been the belief that they had no place in a democracy. In Europe they had marked a class distinction. According to birth, one bent one's back or condescended with one's head. Here, all men were born free and equal. There were no humble people and consequently no aristocrats. It was the precious privilege of the individual to behave himself as he best liked. If, then, he made display of deference or conspicuous civility, he was looked on with distrust. Was he seeking after favors or did he feel himself conferring them on those "less good" than he? In any case, he was recognizing an inequality between himself and others that did not exist. And in protest against what might be arrogance or false humility, we grew a little muddle-headed; for we did not see that service freely given is not servitude; or that, while etiquette may shift its rules in different countries, good manners stay the same.