Wisdom from 1866: What a Civil War-Era Etiquette Book Teaches Us About Happiness
In 1866, amid the upheaval of post-Civil War America, author Robert de Valcourt published The Illustrated Book of Manners, a guide to proper conduct and refined living. Within its pages lies a passage that we’d like to share with you today, as it transcends mere etiquette, offering a profound meditation on the pursuit of genuine happiness that feels remarkably contemporary.
The pursuit of happiness has been a central preoccupation of Western thought for centuries. From Aristotle's concept of eudaimonia (something like “human flourishing”) to the Enlightenment's elevation of happiness as an inalienable right, Western cultures have long grappled with what it means to live a fulfilling life. The 19th century, when de Valcourt was writing, was particularly fertile ground for such reflections. This was the era of Romantic individualism, utilitarian philosophy, and emerging psychological understanding—all converging on questions of human potential and satisfaction.
Unlike many philosophical traditions that emphasized duty over personal fulfillment, or religious frameworks that deferred happiness to an afterlife, Western thought has increasingly embraced the radical idea that earthly happiness is not only possible, but morally imperative. This shift, in America’s earlier days, laid the groundwork for modern psychology and our contemporary emphasis on personal development.
Here is what de Valcourt had to say about it:
It is the right and the duty of every being to live its own true life, and its happiness is secured by the development and exercise of its highest and fullest capabilities. There can be, of course, no right to do a wrong ; no duty can include impossibilities. Life consists in being and doing. The doing comes from the constitution of the being ; and the being is perfected, in its true development, by all genuine doing.
The being of a horse is his symmetry, strength, beauty, fleetness, and all his capabilities. His doing is the exercise of these capabilities ; and his enjoyment and happiness consist in his being the best possible horse, and doing the highest duty of the most noble horse-hood. The being of a man is the assemblage of all his capabilities. His bones and muscles, his strength and activity, his grace and beauty, his senses and organs, his propensities, sentiments, and intellectual faculties, all swell the wealth of his being. Each faculty has its own life, its own rights, and its own capabilities of happiness ; and all combine to make up the harmony of the complete being, which we call a man ; and it is the full, equal, and harmonious satisfaction of all these faculties, which constitute the greatest happiness, and so fulfill the end of manhood. The sole use of life is the enjoyment of life. Low enjoyments come from the exercise of low faculties, separated from, or uncontrolled by higher. High enjoyments consist in the exercise of the noblest faculties, of honor, devotion, benevolence, and justice ; but the happiness of these, though pure and consoling, is not complete. Nothing can fully satisfy the aspirations of the human soul, but the complete and harmonious gratification of all its desires and capabilities of enjoyment.
Therefore—and this is an important therefore— therefore, small things are of great consequence. A leaf is a little thing, but leaves make up the foliage of a tree, and each leaf has its own vital function. A man is not willing to spare his little finger. The little graces, accomplishments, and suavities of life, are like the leaves of the tree ; like the petals of its flowers, like the thousands of minute but charming things in nature which make up the sum of her attractions.
De Valcourt argues that true happiness requires the “full, equal, and harmonious satisfaction of all” human faculties: physical, intellectual, emotional, and moral. This isn't about choosing between being good or being accomplished, but rather developing our complete selves. We’re presented with a dynamic relationship between Who We Are and What We Do. Our actions (What We Do) should flow naturally from our authentic selves (Who We Are), while simultaneously refining our character through practice. While low enjoyments exist, de Valcourt doesn't advocate for their complete suppression. Instead, he calls for their integration under the guidance of our higher faculties, creating a balanced rather than ascetic approach to pleasure. And so the “little graces, accomplishments, and suavities of life” are the real, essential components of human happiness. Like leaves on a tree, these small refinements collectively create beauty and meaning.
This vision speaks directly to our contemporary struggles. In our age of specialization and fragmentation, such holistic development offers a compelling alternative to narrow careerism or one-dimensional self-improvement. A sense of harmonious integration aligns with modern research on work-life balance, and the importance of multiple sources of meaning and satisfaction in life.
It’s really the attention to “small things” that provides a refreshing counterpoint to our culture's current obsession with grand achievements and major life events. We’re drowning in social media highlights and productivity optimization, but happiness often lies in the accumulation of minor refinements and small acts of beauty.
Perhaps most importantly, de Valcourt’s fundamental premise—that we have both a right and duty to develop our fullest capabilities—challenges both the self-denial of some traditional moral thought and the shallow hedonism of consumer culture. It suggests that the most ethical life is also the most fulfilling one, and that personal development is not selfish, but rather a contribution to the harmony of human society.
In a world still grappling with questions of purpose and meaning, one 19th-century voice offers wisdom that still feels urgently needed.